Boundaries

Ah yes, boundaries. A necessary hurt. Boundaries are an area I’ve always struggled with. And while I know they protect myself and others, that doesn’t mean they don’t hurt. (whatever side you’re on)  And I sometimes REALLY want to break free of my own boundaries and other people’s boundaries because I believe they are unnecessary or limiting. But as I get older and wiser (question mark?) I know good boundaries set you free. And I really want to follow others' rules as well as my own.-People have had to set plenty of boundaries with me the last few years, and vice versa. These boundaries the last few years have involved friends, love interests, family, coworkers, and acquaintances. And they HAVE gotten easier over time. But they still can hurt and it’s taken me a while to build up the thick shell to deal with them.

Setting boundaries really hurt in the beginning of my separation and custody of my child. My child is my HEART, and after processing what happened and seeing the reality of my separation I set abrupt and slow building boundaries with a few. And it didn’t matter how impulsively or tactfully I did them, I was still villianized. After I set boundaries with others involving limited access and visitation of my son there were a plethora of different behaviors that bogged me. And some of them were not even stemming from the person I set them with. (WTF??) These behaviors most commonly involved harsh words, passive aggressive behaviors, manipulation, and gossip. (Yes girl, I saw those statuses you wrote about me. Maybe make your profile private?); Either way I had to HOLD these boundaries, especially when I felt triggered. And I know others have had to hold boundaries with me. 

And to all who have had to set boundaries with me, thank you for teaching me more about life, and I’m sorry for hurting you. And to all I’ve held boundaries with, please leave me be. I may move those boundaries some day, maybe we can talk more and reconcile. But just know these boundaries are not a malicious act of anger or calculated revenge; but a safety net protecting my privacy and peace when it comes to the well being of me and my son. 

I could really write about this subject forever, life but especially divorce has made me take a HARD look at my own boundaries. I’m still learning, I’m still growing. And I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand boundaries. But I’m actively working with my ‘Shadow self’ and trying. (Stay strong soldiers.)