Divorce Court

Ah, yes, divorce court. How do I describe this time in my life? Maybe as….

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Yep, that’s it.

Getting legally divorced was so much mental and emotional leg work. And that’s really saying something considering the fact that my divorce was pretty cut and dry given the circumstances I had been dealt. I didn’t have to pay for an expensive lawyer. There was no big custody battle. I didn’t have to go through a series of court dates. Basically I just had to fill out the paperwork and register my case, have the paperwork delivered to my ex-spouse, wait a month to see if he contested it, have a judge sign off on it, and take it to a court cashier to have it officially registered as legally divorced. It sounds like alot, it felt like alot. But I know it could have been so much worse. From starting paper work and meeting with a court advisor to having my paper work signed off on by the judge and turning it in, I believe it was about a 3 month process. (I honestly don’t remember the actual length because that time in my life was such a blur; this is a guesstimate.)

I was SO relieved to be done with this part of my life. There were so many things about this process that were SO uncomfortable. First off, detailing the reasons why I was requesting a divorce was VERY uncomfortable. Ripping open my wounds and spilling my guts about my trauma in a very cold, factual, and legal way felt so strange. And talking to a few professional strangers about my circumstances felt even stranger. Also, WOW, I’ve never felt so stupid when it came to vocabulary. There were not enough context clues in that dense paperwork to clue me in. I felt so inept. The waiting around and the fees also sucked pretty hard. But I think the absolute hardest part was just being in the unknown for a while. Floating in space wondering if I was ever going to be divorced. And if I would get custody of my son. 

Well, eventually I was and I did! After 3-ish months of paperwork, appointments, and waiting around I was finally a free woman and could start my healing. I remember that day distinctly! November 11th, I wore my hair down and my favorite black sweater. (I wanted to wear black on “divorce day”, hehe.) My mother stood in line with me while the court cashier stamped my paperwork and announced me divorced. We giggled and high fived! (LOUDLY.) And then me and my amazing mother took selfies together in front of the court house. This was a day for celebrating! Later that day I brought a plate of (red velvet) cupcakes into work for the girls and a blended coffee for myself. (“divorce day” treats!) 

This stage really was a turning point for the beginning of my healing journey. It has been so messy and transformative since. I have metaphorically “died” so many times in the last 2 years. But this was definitely a re-birth for me.

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Divorce court. <3