"Finding God"

I was born and raised a church girl (as previously mentioned). I went to church on Sunday mornings with my family; I also did Wednesday night youth groups with my church. I did drop in bible studies. And I attended youth church camps in the summer. (I loved the camps!)

As I got older though and went through the trials and tribulations of life I really started exploring the world and my beliefs. And decided to find what felt more true to my person than what I was conditioned to believe. (No hate to believers, you do you boo.) -For a while I started to put my own beliefs and spiritual expeditions on the back burner while I formed my own family. That is no fault of my ex-husband, bio son, or bonus son. I think life sometimes just pushes parents into a dissolving state when the kiddos are young. It can be REALLY hard to keep on your likes, dislikes, and total identity when you are ensuring the happiness and safety of little people who depend on you. Especially when those little people have extra things going on (like mine do). 

Anyways, after I got through the initial fall out of my separation I decided to pick up divine exploration again as it felt like a strong pinnacle to my new identity. (And as I type this I will not say “I am right” or “you are wrong” if our beliefs differ. I just found this to be true for my being.) I found spirituality to be a tether for me next to my friends and family during this time and pressing forward. I swear that the daily gratitudes and affirmations I’ve started doing kept me from floating into cold empty space. The ego checks and grounding exercises have helped so much too.

There are still times I am ANGRY at my ex, the situation, the world, the universe! But taking a walk outside and feeling like I’m a part of something more, or praying within the confines of my car to a greater force, has made me feel a lot less alone in the world. It has helped me balance on the wavering tight-rope that is life. It has kept me a good person and made my ego recognize my shortcomings. I don’t honestly know if I would have explored this part of me to such a deep extent if it hadn't been for the death of my old life. And while there are times I really wish none of this had to happen, especially in such a painful way, I’m glad it did. Because in all reality looking back my old life didn’t align anymore. I needed to “find God”. (the Universe)